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One of my biggest fears was a sensory deprivation tank. I first heard about this experience from a random YouTube channel I was watching one day. The caption and thumbnail said it was something like two hours in dark, and I almost died.
Sure enough, at the end of the eight-minute video, I thought to myself, “Wow, that sounds horrifying.” No light, zero sounds, weightlessness, being confined, and a lack of control = terrifying.
I have a current mindset and life standard that IF I have not experienced something after having the opportunity presented to me, it’s because I am afraid of it. Therefore, I try to find things I am afraid of to experience them.
Why? Well, the fastest way to have radical shifts and changes in your life is to have new experiences. These brand-new moments cause fresh neural pathways in your brain to be created for the first time, which allows for new thoughts and ideas. This essentially shapes your reality, so any time you have a new reality shift, your conscious awareness is altered.
Back to the deprivation tank for a second. One of my best friends, Seth, brought it up during one of our weekly hikes. We were having one of our usual conversations, comparing all the hard, tough, manly man accomplishments we tasked ourselves with and then completed. He brought up a float tank, which is a form of a sensory deprivation tank.
“Bro, we have one in Nashville, like ten minutes from your house,” Seth said to me.
Seth is an alpha male, the literal save-babies-from-a-burning-building type of guy, and he had told me on two or three prior occasions that this float tank, this deprivation of senses, would change my life. And he was right.
To keep this a short blog post rather than the book it could easily become, a week later, we walked through the double glass doors of the float studio in Nashville, Tennessee.
The kind, ultra-spiritual, yoga expert checked us in and told us that there was something like 100 pounds of water and 1,000 pounds of salt in the float tank.
Seth went to his room, and I went to mine and climbed in the tank. I shut the bank-vault-style door, put in my ear plugs (to prevent 233 pounds of salt from rushing into my canals), and began the float experience. It was only 45 minutes.
Now let me tell you, I have meditated roughly 894 times in my life thus far. Maybe more, maybe less, but I’m not off by much. I am comfortable with silence. I am comfortable with my inner thoughts. I have gone through more healing work that 99.9% of the humans on this planet. I was ready for what was coming, and I knew my next mental adventure would be the deprivation tank.
In this meditative state of the float, with no sound, no light, room-temperature water, and no clothes (heyyy), I just began to, well, float.
I started my breathing exercises and my mediations, and, within, oh, fifteen breaths, I started crying.
My heart and internal soul said, “Perfect; this is why you are here. Obviously, something needs to be released.”
I wasn’t sobbing. Just one or two cool tears trickled down into the already salty water beneath. In what felt like about twenty minutes, I got real deep into the zone! I could feel my heartbeat throughout my whole body. I was everywhere and nowhere. I entered a part of a meditation where ACTUAL WORK takes place. And what happened?
My grandmother came to me.
Back story - I never met my grandfathers. They all died decades before I was born. I knew my grandmother Agnus (my mom’s mom) and Olivia (my dad’s mom). I was as close to them as a 10-year-old could be.
My grandmother Agnus died when I was thirteen.
However, it was “my fault.”
When I was thirteen, my mom tasked me to look over her. Watch her. She was going through some very tough challenges, mentally and physically. She was in a hospital-like bed where a nurse would come in and check on her often. My mom was napping, or off to get food, or something. I can’t remember the details fully, but I recall vividly my grandmother getting out of bed and saying, “Jerremy, I need to use the bathroom.”
I said, “Okay, Grandma,” then went back to watching cartoons or DragonBallZ or something aimless and pointless.
Literally, forty seconds later, I heard her fall. I jumped out of my chair – which was not facing her, but the TV – and I helped her up, into the bathroom, and then back into her bed another twenty minutes later.
When she fell, she broke her hip. This was the last straw for my grandmother, and I didn’t know it, but at that moment, I blamed myself (and rightfully so?) for her untimely death. I imprinted a life event that became a subconscious thought, barrier, and belief. I learned ALL of this and realized it consciously when…
…my grandmother came to me in that meditative state.
Every prior time I had ever meditated, I never saw her, encountered her, or spoke with her – nothing.
But this time…as clear as you see the world in front of you now, she was there in my mind. She is/was such a kind soul. She was never mad – EVER. She made me PB&J sandwiches, cutting the crust off and slicing them into three sections of equal length. I’ve never been able to recreate her perfect PB&J sandwiches. The love she carried in her soul and spirit transcended time and space to forgive me. To allow myself to forgive my 13-year-old being. She had to tell my subconscious that it was not my fault. She had to release the chains of self-sabotage I had in that moment. I could have never done that myself.
For the eighteen people that will read this, know that I never knew or thought about that moment until that float session. My brain hid that pain from me. It buried that guilt and pain inside a location I couldn’t access by myself; knowing that I am a lover of humans, an extinguisher of pain, a light for the world, and a vessel of love, my brain wanted to shield me from the pain I stored until my grandmother felt I had done enough work to receive that blessing of sheer, unadulterated forgiveness.
I want to leave you with this passage from my good friend Dr. Alsbrooks's book, Blessed and Unstoppable: “Unforgiveness is volunteered emotional incarceration. It’s a spiritual self-imprisonment behind invisible bars for which you determine your own release date. This emotional baggage is an internal ticking time bomb capable of totally destroying you. All evidence of it must be confronted and completely eradicated. Bitterness and guilt are deadly self-destructive poisons that destabilize and enslave you. You will not be able to tote those extra carry-on bags from the past into the Promised Land. They do not serve you and are not allowed on the success journey.
Forgiveness is dialysis for the soul. It’s medicine from heaven. Mastering the art of letting go will create a peace inside you that surpasses all understanding. Refuse to give the devil a foothold in your life. Whether it’s the burden of self-guilt or a deep feeling of resentment towards someone else, forgiveness is the only way to bring your mind and body back into alignment. Detoxing emotionally releases a supernatural healing that frees you from all chains of limitations. Letting go is a choice that supernaturally empowers you to prosper and thrive.
Understand that denial is not the same thing as forgiveness. To deny is to suppress; to forgive is to acknowledge the transgression, but to overcome it with love. Letting go is undeniable evidence that you value your mental and emotional well-being more than the traumatic mistreatment you endured in the past. Forgiveness doesn't mean you agree with the wrong done to you; it just declares that you refuse to be held in bondage by it any longer.
Peace is the best gift you can ever give yourself. By releasing all the undealt-with negative energy from the past, you are sending out a clear, definite message to the universe that says, ‘I am now ready for success.’ Refuse to let your future be held hostage by petty personal dilemmas. Leave the past in the past where it belongs. This is not about the perpetrator who hurt you; this is about liberating yourself and aligning with the word of God.
Today is your long-awaited moment of emancipation. Freedom is calling out for you. Answer it! Here’s your chance to hit the reset button and start over fresh. Now is the time to let it all go.”
My friend, WEEKS after that moment, so much unfolded. Miracles! Let me tell you about them.
My brand-new baby son Json Micheal Newsome started sleeping better at night.
I was releasing a mentorship group for which I was terrified to charge as much as I did. I thought people would for sure think I’m greedy, unworthy, and money-hungry. It sold out in seconds.
I had a business partner hit me up and say, “Jerremy, I’m sending you a $16,000 check next week. Our sales have been crushing it; thank you for your guidance!”
I had four investments work out splendidly!
My oldest son, Gabriel, and I drew even closer and spent better time together.
My wife opened up to me about something she had never told me before.
We all healed! We all grew.
I received fully. I needed all that came to me. In my life, always, without fail, when I am feeling low, scared, upset, afraid, poor, broke, broken, or worried… I seek out new experiences. I find moments where I am afraid. I find hard, sometimes seemingly impossible tasks (like bear crawling 3.1 miles) to conquer so that I find a 20- to 30-second enlightened state. A spot of bliss and nirvana. A moment in time where there is no time, worries, bills, concerns, or fear. A moment where everything is possible, only love exists, and true greatness transcends into my cells.
This is what is behind your fears. This is what you are missing out on because you don’t want to spend the money. This is what you are missing out on because you “don’t have the time.”
Remember: the most enlightened humans have sought the light when all around them was dark.
Go find your light. Carry it with you always, because with more light and love, you’ll have more of anything and everything you want, crave, and desire. If it’s more money, better trades, more bliss, sex, happiness, fulfillment, purpose, or desire, it all lies on the other side of fear and new experiences.
Thank you for reading!
With light and love!
~ Jerremy Alexander Newsome