3 Conversations to Have With Your Spouse About Trading
Hey, spouses. Thank you for reading this article, I truly appreciate it! Who am I? Just some dude, it's not super important. I am sure your significant other read this article and then showed it to you. I'll keep it short and to the point the best I can (I tend to ramble sometimes), and thank you for your time.
There's a really good chance the person who showed you this article is involved in the stock market in some form or fashion, possibly to a massive degree. I am not here to sell you anything, or even explain what the stock market is or how it works. My goal is to give you some insight into our world and help you communicate with the person you love.
If your partner trades the stock market, there is one unquestionable truth. Your spouse has an insanely delirious, unquenchable thirst for success! They likely have a hard time sleeping, their mind is always racing, and often times you may have sensed a lack of patience. In a way, these are good qualities; likely the drive and ambition you noticed when you first met them and reasons you are still with them. Here is the catch though: your spouse has finally found a place to link that insatiable drive for security, success and financial freedom! All they want is your happiness, I promise. When they do fall asleep, before they awake before market open, they are dreaming of ways to make you happy. Gifts to buy you, renovations to make to your home, vacations to go on with you. They are doing this and chasing this dream for you, your kids, your family and the happiness of those around them. I am writing this article to YOU because I also know through experience, how stressful this profession can be for both parties. Husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, parent, child, whatever the relationship you have with a trader, you're probably baffled by their devotion to it. Here's the truth:
It's not trading that's stressful, it's about money.
The majority of relationship failures are caused by wedges driven involving money and/or the lack of it. That's just what most people think, but answer this question please. Do you know people who are massively rich and still unhappy? Do you also know people who have very little money, but are incredibly excited about life? They are always smiling and usually super generous although they do not have very much to give at all. Some of the most famous philanthropic figures of our time were by not means "wealthy". Mahatma Ghandi, Jesus Christ, and Mother Theresa, just to name a few. One of my favorite Chinese Proverbs is "both the king and the pawn get put in the same box at the end of the game".
Joan Rivers said, "Money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made". True enough!
Let me get to the point of why you are here. Because your spouse is involved in the stock market doesn't mean they will make a million dollars or become a millionaire. On professional sports teams you have the practice squads, third string and fourth string backing the players in the spotlight. They make good money still, I'm not arguing that, but it's far less than the number one player on the team. How long do the professional player work to get to that status? Years! Tom Brady, my favorite player and quarterback, has been heavily involved in football since he was 4. He is now 37. That's 33 years!
After three years of trading, learning and understanding, things can really begin to turn around, but it does take time. Trading is just like any profession. It takes time and a lot of hard work.
I hear your argument though... "Jerremy, we don't have tons of time. We have bills to pay". Trust me, I'm a real life person. I have plenty of bills. They come every month and we have to embrace that. Everyone has bills. The rich like have even more bills than you do.
The great thing about the stock market is it can be very fruitful and does not require any real physical effort, but to become "successful" aka RICH from trading, it can take years. The first two to three years can be rough. If your spouse is in that window, keep encouraging them. I do my best to train traders to not lose a lot of money in their first two to three years.
Although I'm still kind of young. I write this as I'm 26 about to turn 27. One undeniable fact I've learned about life, love and relationships is there is one and only one absolute fact.
Communication is the key to happiness in a relationship.
I've asked couples that have been married for decades and it's always the same answer. "Communication, freely and openly, and vulnerability are what leads to a lasting relationship."
What I am here to do is help you understand our world as traders and how to communicate with us better, for the benefit of both parties. Here are 5 ways to ask better questions.
"Hey, did you make any money today?" As a spouse or partner, do your best not to lead with this question. It is very visceral and many might feel defensive when asked. Why? Well, some days we might not have made money. Depending on their sensitivity with this question, all kinds of emotions could arise. It is much better to ask Did you trade your plan today? That will often lead to a much better and more honest and open reply. "What did the market do today?" The market either went up, down or sideways. It's hard for us to answer this question. We could tell you for hours exactly what it, but condensing that information into a simple answer (that you will appreciate) can be tough! As traders we know how to make money regardless of what the market does, which is exciting to know, right? A better question to ask would be "What was moving today and what did you trade." That question will open up your spouse to get more communication flowing. "Why do you trade the stock market? It's just gambling!? "Ummm . . . no . . . not even close. That's like me asking, ?Why would you go to the gym? It's just like doing drugs!? Both the gym and drugs can make you feel good, make you sweat and make you lose weight, but they are nowhere close to the same thing. The massive and distinct difference in trading and gambling is loss mitigation. If you're playing poker and you go all in and lose, you lost the money. If you're playing roulette and put it all on black and the ball comes up red, you lose. There is no getting your money back. On the vast majority of our trades we can cut our losses to lose less than we originally intended. This is a good thing. Not to mention, it is called 'investing in the stock market' because it is, an investment. If you hear anyone say this to your spouse, be supportive and explain to others why trading the stock market is not gambling. They will be excited you know the difference. "How much did you lose today?" Well, I hope this one is kind of obvious. Just coming out the gate with negativity! Say negative things, get negative experiences. That's my philosophy. But, it's important to keep things in check and make sure your trader is following their plan. Instead ask "how were your R's today? Up or down?" Because it's just data. As a trader, we will have winning days and we will have losing days."How much money have you made recently?" Again, the more we make trading about money, the more it can feel like work and potentially stress certain traders out. Most traders love the craft. They love they markets and the charts. They aren't doing it 'just for the money' , but for the challenge! It is much better to ask "What's the most recent thing you have learned about the market recently?" Again, this is a more opened ended question and is likely to get the discussions flowing.This brings me to my final point.
Make sure to openly discuss finances as it relates to trading, household expenses and anything else.
Boom - I can really sum up this article that way. If bills are becoming an issue, if money really is a huge problem, then talk it out. If you can't afford to trade the stock market, I understand. I ask you only to remember, it's never resources but one's resourcefulness! Money is always here, wealth can always be created! If you don't have a lot of money ask yourself the question "How can I become more valuable so that my time is worth more money?" Really dig down into that question and see where it gets you. And traders, I'm talking to you, too. I've heard horror stories of a trader losing crazy sums of money and not telling their spouse or being afraid to tell them.
I was afraid to tell my dad I had I lost all of his retirement money when I was 22. (Seriously, every dime.) It's because I was afraid to lose it when he gave it to me. When a trader is afraid to lose money, when money consumes their every thought and their entire life focus is to not lose money, that's usually what happens. Where focus goes, energy flows. So, with every trade, instead of focusing on protecting my investment or following my trading plan I focused on not losing money because I was afraid. I was terrified, even. Did my dad disown me? Did he stop loving me? Did he change his name and move to Argentina? No. He did none of those things. And on March 10th, 2015, three days before he died, one of the last things he said to me was "Jerremy, I am very proud of you as a person and what you've accomplished. It's because you know who you are and you are helping others find out who they are, and that's what is important in this life!"
Mark Twain said "The two greatest days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why". Here is a video I made about that.
Those who do the best in their professions and careers, people who ultimately shape the world, know that money is not the answer to anything. It's knowledge and the understanding of who you are, why you are here and how you're going to leave your mark on society!
Friends, traders from the world over, be honest with each other. Be supportive, be open, and communicate openly and freely. Share your fears, desires, passions and obstacles, and know that your wife, husband or family member will be there to support you no matter what. Love can lift us over any wall, it is the energy that drives us through any storm and it is there to catch us, may we fall!
Love life, live life and trade it!
Spouses, if you do have any questions or you want to just reach out to me to find out ?is trading really right for my partner, or myself?, I'm always available. No secretary, just me My email is
email@example.com Have a great day and go make your mark on this world!